I am freaking out inside

It has been a crazy few days since arriving in Mallorca, and with the race tomorrow morning, it is safe to say I am freaking out inside.

The trip started with the simple task of getting the rental car and making it out of the airport parking deck. Somehow, even that felt harder than it should have been. Fantastic start.

Then Wednesday brought an entirely different level of stress. I am not ready to write all of it out yet, but I can say this: the staff at the ER were kind, the EMTs were excellent, and so many people, both on bikes and in cars, stopped to ask if help was needed. As stressful and scary as the day was, the people here were amazing.

Thursday was calmer, and after Wednesday, calmer was exactly what we needed. I was not about to do anything that could create another incident, so we hopped in the car and drove out to the lighthouse at Formentor. The drive was stunning. The coastline, the cliffs, the water, the views — it is easy to understand why it is considered a must-do visit on the island. I would just recommend getting out there much earlier in the morning than we did.

Thursday was also when all the Ironman stuff really started. I checked in, picked up my athlete packet, got my bib number, the stickers for my bike, the transition bags, and all the gear that suddenly makes the race feel very, very real. And of course, I had to buy the event apparel: the shirt with all the participant names on the back, the soft hoodie, the stickers I will probably turn into magnets later. All the little things that say, “I was here.”

And now today, the nerves are really starting to kick in.

I went to the mandatory athlete briefing and sat there surrounded by other athletes, friends, and families, feeling intimidated and wondering again, “What am I doing here?” I feel like I am not prepared. I feel like I do not have a plan. I feel like I do not know what I am doing tomorrow, even though I have spent months getting ready for this.

In the next few hours, most of my gear has to be packed and dropped off at transition. That makes everything feel real in a way it has not before. Tomorrow will take it to another level when I am standing there in a wetsuit with thousands of other athletes, waiting for the race to begin.

Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.

But I am here. The bike is here. The gear is here.