There Are No Rules to Joy: Lessons from the Ocean

Friday mornings are a familiar rhythm—early wake-up calls, a quiet walk to our favorite coffee spot, and a sense of routine that keeps the day anchored. But today was different. Today, Jeremy and I weren’t just walking for coffee; we were all walking toward a new adventure: our first surfing lesson.

After a breakfast cooked by Daren and Jeremy (a delicious daily tradition), we made our way to Waikiki Beach, where the clear skies and gentle ocean breeze seemed to welcome us. We met our instructor, Cameron, at Moku Surf Shop—he was exactly what you’d expect of a surfer in his twenties living in paradise: carefree, laid-back, and brimming with the kind of positive energy that feels contagious the moment you’re around him.

The First Paddle Out

Our lesson began with the basics: how to paddle out and how to find our footing on the board. Cameron’s instruction was simple but effective, with a natural, calming vibe that made us feel confident—even if we had no idea what we were doing. He led us to the beach, and before long, we were in the water, surrounded by the rhythm of the waves and the hum of the ocean.

As we made our way out, something clicked for me. Maybe it was the slight difference in the surfboard, or perhaps the brief time I spent practicing with Jeremy the day before, but I felt more stable, more balanced. There was something magical about catching a wave and standing up, even if only for a brief moment. The rush of success was like nothing I’d imagined.

It wasn’t just me, either—watching everyone in the group, you could see the joy on their faces as they caught waves, stumbled, laughed, and tried again. And even when the wave lost momentum before we could get to our feet, there was no sense of failure—just an eagerness to try again.

Then came the moment that I’ll never forget. After a few waves that didn’t quite go as planned, someone joked about just riding the waves in on our knees, and that’s when Cameron dropped a nugget of wisdom that stuck with us:

“There are no rules to joy.”

-Cameron

It was simple, yet profound. Cameron reminded us that there’s no one right way to enjoy life, no “correct” way to experience the fun that the world has to offer. Whether you ride the waves standing up, on your knees, or lying on your stomach, the goal is to find joy in the process—not in some idealized version of success.

For me, those words hit home. Over the past 7 months, I’ve struggled to balance joy with grief. Missing my son, Alex, is a constant part of me, and it’s hard to let go of the ache, even in moments of fun. But Cameron’s reminder that joy doesn’t have to look a certain way helped me realize that I can still experience moments of happiness and adventure, even while holding on to the pain. It was a much-needed reminder that life is about the balance between the highs and the lows—and neither invalidates the other.

In the Moment

Surfing turned out to be far more fun than I expected. I’m typically self-conscious in group settings, but out there on the water, everything else faded away. When you catch a wave and finally stand up, it’s like the world narrows down to just you, the board, and the wave. The worry, the self-doubt, the outside noise—none of it matters in that moment.

Of course, it wasn’t all smooth sailing. There were a few close calls, plenty of awkward wipeouts, and more than a few laughs, but those moments became some of the best memories of the day. Luckily, we had the cameras rolling to capture our “adventures.”

Finding Joy in the Ride

Looking back, I realize that the real gift of the day wasn’t just learning how to surf or catching waves. It was the reminder that joy doesn’t come with conditions. It’s not about doing it the “right” way, or comparing your experience to someone else’s. Joy is simply about embracing the ride, whatever that ride might look like for you.

And as I reflect on that morning, I’m reminded of Cameron’s words every time life gets complicated. There are no rules to joy. So, why not enjoy the ride?