Alex: My Everglow

Mondays have always been hard for me.

Not because the weekend ends or because work begins again—but because Monday is the day I lost Alex.

And as if that weight isn’t already heavy enough, his birthday is next Monday.

So today, the grief feels closer. Louder. More present.

I find myself asking a question no parent should ever have to answer:
How do you celebrate the birthday of your first child when they’re no longer here?

Alex made me a dad.
He gave my life meaning and purpose.
Before him, I didn’t even know what those words fully meant.

This morning, I found myself listening—again—to Everglow by Coldplay. I’ve played it more times than I can count over the past year. Coldplay was one of Alex’s favorite bands when he was younger, and on days like today, this song doesn’t just play—it lands.

It speaks the language of loss in a way that feels honest. Not poetic for the sake of poetry, but raw in the way grief actually lives inside you.

There’s a line about the world continuing on—cars still moving, life not slowing down—while everything inside you feels like it has stopped. That line always hits me the hardest, because it’s true. The world didn’t pause when I lost my son. Time didn’t hesitate. But my heart did.

Some days, I feel cold in a way that has nothing to do with temperature. And yet—even in that cold—there’s still a light.

Alex is that light.

He is the quiet presence that shows up when I don’t expect it.
He’s the memory that finds me in the middle of an ordinary moment and reminds me that love doesn’t disappear just because someone does.
He’s the reason I know that connection doesn’t end—it changes.

Alex is my everglow.

I don’t know exactly how to celebrate his birthday yet. Maybe there’s no “right” way. Maybe the celebration is simply remembering. Saying his name. Letting myself feel everything instead of pushing it away. Acknowledging that love like this doesn’t have an expiration date.

If you love someone, let them know.

That line from the song feels like a reminder and a promise all at once.

Alex, I love you.
I always will.
And the light you left me will everglow.